


Hero/Heroine

by gabeslandeskog



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25072747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabeslandeskog/pseuds/gabeslandeskog
Summary: They didn’t have to worry about you like they did JJ. Until, one night, they did. After your friends find you in John B.’s backyard broken and unable to form words, they try to unravel the past few weeks that led you to this moment.
Relationships: JJ (Outer Banks)/Reader, Rafe Cameron/JJ/Reader, Rafe Cameron/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 46





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prologue to Hero/Heroine. It's pretty heavy on violence and heavy/harmful thoughts. Please be aware before you read this.   
> I posted this to tumblr as well. My name is the same there!

If there was one word to describe the kind of person you were, it was selfless. When you were twelve years old, you realized that the difference between kooks and pogues ran much deeper than a title. You noticed that life wasn’t fair in a lot of ways. There were kids who had everything and sneered at those who had nothing. It didn’t make sense to you. How could people have more than they needed and still be so greedy? From that moment on, you promised you wouldn’t be like the rest of the kooks. You did your best to give back into the world any way you could, despite your mom’s protests.

That summer, when everything inside of you changed, you met JJ Maybank by accident. You had nearly run him over in your dad’s SUV when you were learning to drive. You had taken a lot of wrong turns, ending up in the cut without even realizing it. When you realized you had clipped him, you slammed on your breaks. He was rude at first, his blue eyes full of annoyance at another ‘kook princess’ fucking shit up on the wrong side of the island. You had fallen out of the car in a hurry, a first aid kit tight in your hand as you apologized a thousand times over. Somewhere between your ridiculous rambling and his amusement at how such a small person could have such a big personality, the two of you bonded.

And then, like the sun shining through the clouds after a storm, a beautiful friendship was formed.

Now, sixteen years old, a lot has changed. You were still best friends with JJ, gaining the likes of John Routledge, Kie Carrera, and Pope Heyward as friends because of it. You and Kie were close because of your similar backgrounds: kooks who would rather be anything but kooks. You spent a lot of time worrying over the turtles with her, never once missing a chance to be in her presence. She made you feel empowered. John B. admired your ability to be down to do anything. You didn’t miss a beat, never once being surprised by the ridiculous shit he came up with. You were also the only one who tolerated Pope’s rambling, never once looking disinterested even if you didn’t quite understand it all. Your patience rivaled that of a saint, which is why JJ managed to get away with almost anything with you around.

You were practically the mom of the group. You supplied drinks, snacks, medicine, and almost always had a first aid kit on you. From stopping JJ from breaking his limbs to reminding John B. that the bread in his cabinet was going to get moldy, you were always looking out for your friends. They liked to think of you as their saving grace.

You guess that’s why they’re all here now, heartbroken and furious at the sight of you sitting alone in a hammock at the chateau. None of them move closer to you. None of them are sure what they’d even say. John B. is physically holding onto JJ, who’s face is red with anger. He wants to kill whoever did this to you, but he doesn’t have any idea where to start. Pope is holding onto Kie tightly, trying to stop the girl from falling to the ground in a mess of tears. How could they have not noticed the kind of trouble you were in?

You don’t notice their reactions. Not entirely, at least.

There are bruises all over your skin. A nasty blue and purple one right under your left eye, which is practically swollen shut. There are red and purple handprints all over your arms and legs, bright and ugly against your tan skin. Your lip is split in two different places, a trail of dried blood going down your chin. There are bruises underneath your shirt, probably just as ugly as the ones you can see everywhere else.

You aren’t focused on that, though. Your eyes aren’t focused on anything as you look out past the HMS Pogue. The world seems like a blur despite the fact that the sun is setting, and the sky is probably fucking beautiful right about now. You were numb to the core, your mind an empty, blank canvas as you just sat there. You couldn’t even think about what happened that got you here. You didn’t know if you couldn’t remember, or if you were just choosing not to.

And as your friends try to figure out what to do next, there’s only one thing that keeps repeating in your mind – _one name._

Rafe Cameron. 


	2. Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They didn’t have to worry about you like they did JJ. Until, one night, they did. After your friends find you in John B.’s backyard broken and unable to form words, they try to unravel the past few weeks that led you to this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story strays from canon. Please be aware this chapter contains graphic descriptions. Also E! for language.

Kie is the first one to approach you. You don’t pay much attention to the shuffling that’s going on behind you. Your mind is still a blank canvas, still void of anything useful as you sit there. Your eyes don’t leave the sky – or where the sky is supposed to be.

You didn’t think you’d ever be this kind of person. The kind of person who ended up broken into tiny pieces because they lacked self-control. That wasn’t you. You were stronger than that, stronger than the pull of temptation and desire. You had spent your entire life surrounded by luxury, by things that tainted and destroyed selfish people. You were surrounded by greed and jealousy, both those things being rooted deeply in your mom’s heart, yet you never let it change _you._

So how did you end up here? Beaten up and broken in places you couldn’t even see?

_____________

**The beach was your safe haven.**

**It had been a long night, one full of your mom’s bullshit and your dad’s desperate attempts to keep the peace. She had balked at the idea of you spending more time at the chateau with your friends. She didn’t get why you’d rather slum it with the pogues instead of spending your days on Topper’s boat. You had all but lost it at the suggestion, causing your dad to send you off on a walk while he tried to talk to your mom.**

**It was the usual bullshit. Your dad loved your friends, never once missing a beat despite knowing that they were from the cut. Your mom was a totally different story. She was born and raised a kook, constantly climbing the social ladder and doing everything she could to keep up the family name. She didn’t care who she hurt as long as she was gaining something from it. You never understood that. How could she hate your friends for something they couldn’t control? How could she throw you under the bus to get what she wanted?**

**So, pissed off and _hurt,_ you laid under the stars. You loved the feeling of the sand beneath you. It got in your hair and tickled at the exposed strip of skin on your back, but it made you feel _real._ Like you were more than just a pawn in your mom’s stupid games.**

**You were so wrapped up in your thoughts, so wrapped up in how cool the sand felt, that you didn’t realize someone was walking towards you.**

**“Didn’t think I’d ever run into you out here, Y/L/N,” a voice says.**

**You sit up quickly at the familiar voice, sand flying everywhere as your eyes find the culprit who crashed your pity party.**

**Rafe Cameron.**

**Annoyance immediately bubbles in your chest. Memories of having to hold JJ back at the boneyard because of Rafe’s stupid comments flooded your mind. Rafe knew how to push everyone’s buttons, never failing to let you guys forget just how worthless he thought you were. You had hated Rafe long before you ran with JJ, never liking his attitude, but it only kept intensifying as you got older.**

**“Look at that, I was just leaving,” you say sharply. You start to stand up, brushing your hands against your shorts. You had enough kook bullshit for one night from your own mom, you didn’t need it from Rafe.**

**“Hey, whoa, come on now, Y/N,” he says softly. He moves closer to you, letting you get a good look at him. His hair isn’t slicked back for once, instead hanging softly in his face. He’s wearing khakis and a light pink polo. But his usual preppy boy outfit isn’t what you notice. No, it’s the look on his face. He looks tired, his eyes sunken in and red-rimmed. There’s something else, though…**

**Was that a hint of sadness? That’s what stops you dead in your tracks.**

**“Just… stay,” he says, motioning to where you had been before. He looks somewhat uncomfortable as he shoves his hands back in his pockets. “I won’t bother you.”**

**You hesitate for a moment, your eyes narrowing up at him. His expression doesn’t change. After a few moments, he shifts from one foot to another and closes his eyes.**

**“Please?” he whispers, his voice hoarse.**

**You don’t say anything, not trusting your voice at the moment. You slowly lay back down where you had been before. When Rafe lowers himself next to you, you’re hyperaware of how close he is to you. He’s close enough for you to feel how warm he is. It makes you shiver.**

**You shake your head, trying to rid yourself of the weird feeling washing over you. You slowly relax into the sand, your mind swimming with questions of why Rafe was even here.**

**Rafe isn’t looking at you, his eyes pointed upwards at the sky. The Big Dipper is there, and without fail, the North Star. You almost point it out to him but bite your tongue when you remember the look in his eyes. The look of sadness you had tried so to desperately to miss.**

**“Are… are you okay?” you ask after a moment. You don’t know why you ask him, part of you wishing you had just kept quiet. This was Rafe, you were talking about after all. But his silence is almost worse than his usual bullshit.**

**Rafe exhales slowly. You wait patiently for him to answer, your eyes on the sky. You aren’t sure if you’ll regret being kind to him, but you also probably would’ve been wondering about him in the morning if you didn’t ask.**

**Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, you think.**

**“Just family bullshit. Uh, my dad… Sarah,” he says finally, his voice quiet… vulnerable. “What about you?”**

**You exhale softly, your eyebrows furrowing. You weren’t expecting him to be so honest. You pause for a moment, eyes fluttering shut. What family issues could someone like Rafe have? He had the kindest family on figure 8, in your opinion.**

**“Same here,” you say finally. Your voice is quieter than his as you think about why you’re even out here.**

**Silence falls over the two of you then. Never in your entire life did you think you’d be comfortable enough to lie beside Rafe. Never in your entire life did you think you’d hear him sound so… defeated.**

**“Do you… do you need to talk about it?” he asks hesitantly. You turn your head to him in surprise, your eyes flying open. Was he serious?**

**He looks over at you, a confused look in his eyes. “What?”**

**“No offense, Rafe, but you’re the last person I’d ever vent to,” you admit, not breaking eye contact with him.**

**His expression drops, and for a moment, you’re afraid you ruined the fragile moment between you guys. And then he’s laughing, and it’s like music to your ears. His laugh is soft and melodic, making a smile slowly spread across your face.**

**“Fair enough,” he says finally, turning his eyes back onto you. A small, gentle smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “But the offer stands. Now or… whenever we happen to find ourselves like this again. You know, if you don’t mind my company.”**

**You find yourself giggling at the idea of that. You shake your head at him but smile anyways, your eyes turning back to the stars. What an idea… you and Rafe meeting up in the middle of the night on the beach to just exist. Together. It was a weird thought, but… it wasn’t an unwelcome one.**

**And even though you don’t give him an answer, he knows damn well the off chance he finds you like this again tomorrow night is pretty high.**

**That is – if he decides to go looking.**

**_______________**

**JJ throwing a beer at you pulls you from your thoughts.**

**“What the fuck?” you whine, ignoring the loud laugh from Pope in favor of sending your best friend a glare. In his defense, you had been staring off into the water ever since John B. picked Kie up.**

**“Look alive, sunshine!” John B. shouts.**

**JJ grins over at you lazily. He’s leaning back in the front of the boat, a joint in one hand, beer in the other. He had taken his shirt off the second John B. anchored the HMS Pogue in the marsh. You didn’t mean to stare at him for so long without responding, but relaxed JJ is probably the most beautiful JJ. And while any other day you probably would’ve scolded him for getting wasted so early in the morning, you knew this was something he had been waiting for all year.**

**Summer in the outer banks.**

**And while you were ecstatic to be on the boat with your friends with no other obligations, you couldn’t shake the butterflies in your stomach. You had barely managed to sleep last night, your mind alive like a forest on fire after your encounter with Rafe. You didn’t want to admit that it was Rafe who was on your mind, taking up so much space that you couldn’t think rationally, so you chalked it up to surprise at how different he had been with you – how vulnerable he had been.**

**You had been ready to go at 6am once you realized you couldn’t fall asleep. To distract yourself, you had raided your kitchen for everything your parents wouldn’t notice went missing. When John B. and JJ had pulled up to your dock, you had two coolers stuffed with everything you could think of – beers, waters, white claws, sandwiches, grapes, chips… practically your entire kitchen.**

**JJ had helped you onto the boat easily, his hands warm on your waist and eyes full of mischief. And it should’ve been enough to pull you from your Rafe induced thoughts, because you had always had a sweet spot for JJ. But instead, your mind had the audacity to wonder how Rafe’s hands would feel on your skin.**

**Yup, you were going insane.**

**“Hey, you okay?” JJ asks, leaning forward to catch your eye. His hand lands on your knee, his rough fingers tapping out a familiar rhythm on your skin. You ignore the storm brewing inside of you at his touch. What was _wrong_ with you today?**

**When you look up at him, guilt forms in the pit of your stomach. Here you were, thinking about Rafe fucking Cameron, the guy who had picked a fight with JJ two weeks ago for being on figure 8. The same guy who called you trash for defending Pope when he was delivering groceries for his dad. You were definitely going fucking insane. Just because Rafe was sweet to you when no one else was around didn’t mean anything.**

**And JJ was right in front of you, his hands on your skin and his attention fully on you. You had no reason to be dwelling on Rafe like this. It was just your mind playing tricks on you. You weren’t going to ruin your summer – ruin _this_ with JJ – for Rafe Cameron.**

**With that in mind, you look up at JJ and smile – a real smile this time. You push away the lingering thoughts of Rafe and his pretty eyes and you grab your beer. You look over at Kie and Pope, an idea forming in your mind.**

**“Oh, I don’t like the look on your face,” Kie groans. She unfolds her legs from underneath her and leans forward, a smile on her lips despite her words.**

**“I have an idea,” you say, eyes moving from Kie to JJ. “Think you can shotgun a beer faster than me this time around, or should I just assume I’ll kick your ass again?”**

**“No!” Pope and John B. shout at the same time.**

**“Oh, you are on!” JJ shouts, ignoring their protests. He stands quickly, tugging you up with him until you’re both standing on the bow of the boat.**

**JJ grins down at you as John B. shouts at you both that it’s only 9 am. And as your friends try to stop you, Pope gripping your arm and Kie hitting JJ with a lifejacket, you almost miss the way JJ’s looking at you like you’re the only person there. Almost.**

________________

Kie’s hands on yours pull you from your memories. That was the first time you met Rafe, the _real_ Rafe. Or, so you had thought. He hadn’t touched you that night, hadn’t asked you anything stupid or said anything about the pogues. He had just laid beside you until it was midnight and your dad had called you to come home.

And JJ… JJ had been himself, chugging beers with you all day, looking at you like you hung the fucking moon. And he was completely, blissfully unaware that your mind had been wrapped up in thoughts of his enemy.

“Y/N,” Kie whispers. “Hey, Y/N, let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”

You don’t respond. Her hands move to your arms, and when you don’t pull away from her, she’s lifting you up. You stumble forward, a cry of surprise leaving your lips when your legs crumble beneath you. In an instant, JJ is there, wrapping his arms around you and helping Kie tug you upwards.

“What the fuck happened to her?” Pope asks no one in particular, his voice high-pitched. He’s looking at you, but you’re looking through him. “She was _fine_ this morning.”

Pope was right. You had been fine. But this morning felt like it had happened years ago. This morning you had been bruise free, your tan skin glowing in the sunlight as JJ’s fingers danced across your shoulders. You had been laughing loudly as John B. danced around the boat, Pope racing away from where you guys had stranded Sarah and Kie to make amends.

And earlier, you had been there when John B. found the gold, and they had raced off, shouting in glee at their victory. JJ had held onto you so tightly, his eyes never leaving yours. And even _after_ that… you had been okay… you had been okay before… _before…_

And then as if a switch had been flipped inside of you, you’re lurching forward, a scream tearing from your lips. Panic blossoms in your chest like a raging fire threatening to burn you alive.

JJ’s grip tightens on you, but you fight him, arms thrashing wildly and legs kicking out. Your throat feels like it’s tightening as you gasp for air. It’s then, as JJ is crying out for someone to help hold onto you, that you realize you’re crying. Tears are pouring down your face as angry, broken sobs tear past your lips. _You can’t breathe._

John B. rushes forward to grab you and his hands feel like they’re slicing you open. Somewhere deep down, you _know_ that it’s your friends who are holding you, trying to comfort you. You see JJ behind you, his face terrified as he tries to control your movements. You see John B. in front of you, his eyes panicked as nothing he does seems to calm you down. But you can’t shake the feeling, the _pain_ of what happened to you. You can _feel_ his hands on you, crushing you, bruising your skin.

The panic in your chest rises, burning at the bottom of your throat now. It threatens to take the last of your sanity as you lose the ability to focus on anything but the lack of air in your lungs. Your chest stutters up and down in rapid motions. You hear yourself choking out, you hear JJ crying out to you. Suffocating. You’re suffocating, now, you _just know it_. You see Sarah shouting at you – at you? – _wait, when did she get here?_

It’s all too much. There are flashes of him in your mind, him shouting as he swings out at you, fists clenched, face red. Pain radiates throughout your entire body as you struggle to just _survive._

“Get away from me!” someone screams.

“Y/N! Y/N, _calm down!_ ” Pope shouts. He’s running towards you, his face panicked, eyes shedding tears of fear. He stops short – tugging Kie and Sarah into his arms when your head whips in his direction, your beautiful eyes unfocused and wild.

 _That was you screaming?_ You try to focus, try to see your friends. But then Pope’s terrified face is gone and _he’s_ there. He’s blinding you, now, drowning you in your fear as you forget where you are, who you’re with. You choke on more sobs as your fists swing out at him, trying to hurt him the way he hurt you. You’re blindly reaching out now, you can’t see your hands or JJ or even the fucking sky. You’re trying to feel, to _see –_

_“Help me!”_

Was that you? A shadow tugs at the edges of your vision, hovering as the panic in your chest explodes like fireworks on the fourth of July. He’s still there, in your face, beside you, underneath you, _everywhere_ – laughing as you lose it completely – kicking, swinging, punching, _screaming –_

_Fuck! why can’t you reach him?!_

“Do something!” Kie cries out, sobs wracking her body at the sight of you absolutely losing your shit. Pope holds her and Sarah impossibly closer, trying to keep both girls from watching JJ and John B. wrestle you to the ground.

JJ’s crying as he holds you down, his hands holding your arms down tightly as you start to grow weak. John B. is cradling you to his chest, his breathing heavy as your cries turn into choked gasps. For a brief, shameful second he wonders if you’re going to die right here, right now, and they’ll never fucking know what happened to you.

And as the edges of your vision start to blur into nothing but a deep, empty darkness, you wonder – for a fleeting moment – how much easier it would have been if he had just killed you.


	3. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think. :) bold is flashbacks, I fixed it in the last part as well.

“What the _fuck_ happened to her?” Kie asks the second JJ and John B. walk out the house.

It had taken almost twenty minutes for you to calm down. You had passed out from the lack of air getting into your lungs, scaring the shit out of your friends. John B. had sat there for what seemed like forever, just holding you in his arms. You looked small and fragile, your wounds sharp and ugly against your beautiful skin.

When they were sure you were safe, John B., JJ, and Sarah had gone inside and laid you on the couch. Sarah had cleaned you up, her fingers gentle as they dabbed at the dried blood on your body. She had burst into tears a few times, doing her best not to let them get on you. At some point, JJ had taken over, gently moving the girl into John B.’s arms.

He had sat there with you for what felt like hours, just looking at you. Bruises covered most of your skin – ugly, dark, and foreign on you. Your eye was still swollen, looking uglier by the second, but Kie had promised to give you an ice pack when you woke up.

“I don’t know,” John B. says, brushing past Kie and all but tossing himself into the hammock. “She wasn’t making any sense.”

“Who would’ve done this to her?” Pope asks, despair making his voice come out strained.

JJ looks up, his eyes blazing with a fire John B. couldn’t contain. He knew fucking who. John B. had tried desperately to get his friend to stop and breathe, to take a moment and think about the consequences of just going after who he thought had done it. But JJ was a ticking time-bomb, anger boiling in the pit of his stomach like a volcano about to erupt. He had been terrified when he saw what you looked like, his heart shattering at the sight of your broken state.

But now, he was just furious.

“Ask your little girlfriend, John B.,” JJ all but spits out. His teeth are grinding together painfully, but it’s the only thing stopping him from completely losing it. He runs his hands through his hair, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

_You need to calm down, J,_ your soft voice echoes in his mind.

JJ shakes it off.

“What?” John B. asks sharply, his eyes snapping up to JJ, missing his friends’ sharp movements.

Sarah looks over at JJ, her eyebrows furrowed. And then in seconds, realization flickers in her eyes like a flame. “He… he wouldn’t do _this_ , JJ. He loves her,” she says, voice wavering.

“Oh, yeah? That didn’t stop him the first time he got rough with her. Strung out on coke, Rafe Cameron is capable of _anything,_ ” JJ snaps. He takes a step forward, earning a warning glare from John B. “You and I both know that.”

“Okay, but why would she have even gone to see him?” Kie asks in desperation. She’s standing in between Pope and John B., her eyes glassy with unshed tears. Seeing her best friend like that had shaken her. She didn’t know if you’d ever be the same. “None of it makes _sense._ ”

JJ doesn’t have an answer for that. Why _would_ you have gone to see Rafe? After everything that had happened, after all of the _bullshit_ , what did Rafe have left to offer you? JJ hopes you weren’t that stupid, that naïve to think Rafe would ever change.

“What we _do_ know, is that we need the whole story this time. No bits and pieces like last time,” Pope says finally, his voice strong and determined. He wasn’t sure what had happened to you, but he knew for a fact that he would be damned if it ever happened again.

And if that meant pushing you past your limits, well, he was willing to go that far.

\---

**JJ sits down beside you and hands you a cup of beer. “For the hottest chick on the island,” he says, sending you a wink. He ruffles his blonde hair a bit, strands of it sticking up in random places.**

**“Classy,” you reply, a lazy grin tugging at your lips as you accept the cup. You ignore the mock hurt look on his face and turn your eyes towards the party.**

**Pope and John B. are manning the keg, pushing one another every so often to see who can get the cute tourist lingering there to laugh. It was a bit childish in your opinion, but boys were stupid, so you weren’t entirely surprised. Kie was chatting up a few tourists, her movements animated and eyes shining brightly. You knew she was definitely going off on a rant about the environment, and the tourists were eating up every minute of it.**

**That left you and JJ. You were usually the most relaxed one at parties. While you danced occasionally, you preferred to people watch. Which kook would get so drunk the others would have to drag them home? Would Topper Thornton show up and cause a scene? Would JJ hook up with the blonde or the brunette?**

**It was riveting – your favorite pastime. And JJ was crashing it.**

**“Don’t you have a hook up to go find?” you ask casually. You take a sip of your beer, looking at JJ from the corner of your eye. You hated the fact that JJ made you _feel_ things. Like when his fingers brush yours accidentally and your brain short circuits for a second. Or when he brushes the hair from your face because “you’ll be drinking your hair at this rate, you heathen.” You couldn’t tell if he was flirting with you like usual, or if there was something more. You had _thought_ there was something more two weeks ago, when he had been attached to your hip the entire day, his hands never leaving your skin. **

**But then he was back to his usual antics and you were keeping your meetings with Rafe a secret from him. And while you felt immense guilt for not telling anyone, especially Kie, you couldn’t help the rush you felt when your mind wandered to Rafe.**

**You were conflicted by it all. Did you _like_ JJ, or were tripping over your own never-ending thoughts? Were you two far into your mind to realize that nothing changed, and you were just being ridiculous? You know deep down you love JJ, but was it anything more than friends? If you were so into JJ, why would you even be thinking of Rafe? And what _about_ Rafe? Why were you meeting him almost every night, pretending that he didn’t make your heart race when he looked at you?**

**“What, I can’t hang out with my favorite person without getting attacked for my character?” JJ asks, holding a hand over his heart. His voice tugs you from your thoughts, the dread you were feeling in the pit of your stomach dissolving when you tuned back into reality. “You are pure evil tonight, sweet cheeks.”**

**You laugh loudly at his words, your moment of conflict gone. You gain the attention of a few people nearby, earning weird looks. JJ waves them off, scooting closer to you so your legs are pressed together. “Come on, J, you know it’s all in good fun,” you say teasingly, bumping your shoulder with his.**

**“Yeah, yeah. I wanted to make sure you were good over here being antisocial. Kie said you were people watching. Is _that_ why you never showed up for your turn to man the keg?” he asks, sending you an unimpressed look. **

**“Hey, you told me if I ever wanted out of something, to just bail. Wise words, by the way. So… I bailed,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. When he fixes you with a blank stare you add, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”**

**JJ laughs and wraps an arm around your neck, pretending to choke you out. “I’m done with your stupid ass!” he shouts. He leans forward and places a quick kiss to your cheek, pulling away to look down at you softly. His arm around your neck is squishing you close to him, your noses practically brushing. You’re about to say something, to bitch at him, but your complaints die in your throat when you _actually_ look at him. You’ve never seen a look like this on JJ’s face. It’s hard to decipher and you can’t seem to form words with him this close. **

**Before you can think more of it, he leans away. He smiles widely when he stands up, his eyes sparkling as he points at you. “Don’t change for anyone, baby.”**

**And as if he didn’t just scramble your brain, he slips into the crowds of people, making his way towards a few tourists on the outskirts of the group. You sit there in mild shock, your cheek burning where his lips were. You don’t know _why_ he did that, but you sure as hell don’t want to dwell on it. _Especially_ not when he’s now chatting up a pretty blonde. **

**Your phone buzzes in your pocket, the thoughts in your mind quieting when you pull your phone out and read the text.**

**_Not Rafe_ **

**_Meet me at the beach a little earlier tonight?_ **

****

**Your heart flutters in your chest. You debate whether you can pull off slipping away to see him tonight. You’d have to have some sort of excuse as to why you dipped early, which you could easily blame your mom for. But your friends were experts at telling when you were lying, and your mom wasn’t a subject you often brought up with them. At the thought of the hassle it would cause, you’re two seconds away from telling him you can’t tonight.**

**But then your phone buzzes again and it’s a sad face from Rafe. And then you think _fuck it_ , because no one is paying attention to you and a small part of you misses Rafe. Without thinking much more of it, you finish off your beer and slip into the shadows of the night.**

**\----**

**“Did you know that you can hear a blue whale’s heartbeat from more than two miles away?” You ask.**

**You’re lying beside Rafe on the beach, wrapped in a sweatshirt that belongs to Pope with your fingers buried in the sand. Your eyes are fixed on the stars, refusing to look sideways at the boy beside you.**

**You had gotten there in record time tonight, swiping Pope’s sweatshirt from the bus and two beers you found rolling around in the back. Rafe had been relaxing in the sand, his eyes brightening when you made your way down the beach.**

**“And you know this… how?’ he asks softly. His fingers dance in the sand beside yours, tapping out the rhythm to a song you don’t know. His voice, although light with amusement, is full of curiosity and wonder. You assumed he was used to this by now; you firing off random facts instead of telling him why you _really_ kept meeting him on the beach every night.**

**It had been almost two weeks of you meeting up with Rafe at night. You didn’t plan on making into a thing, very much set on forgetting he even existed. That very first night with Rafe had been pushed to the back of your mind after the day you spent with the pogues. You had been happy, _relieved_ even, that seeing Rafe the night prior had been a one-time thing. **

**But then when you walked through the door, your mom immediately attacked you. She couldn’t understand why you would spend your entire day with the likes of the pogues. She didn’t care to hear your explanation, that the bond the five of you shared mattered way more than social status. She had just gone at you, curse words flying from her mouth as she painted a picture of you – pathetic, worthless, _nothing._**

**You had barreled out of the house, sobs wracking your body when you finally got far enough away and collapsed into the sand. Not even your dad’s cries for you could ease the ache in your chest that night. You hadn’t even realized Rafe was there until his arms had wrapped around you.**

**And despite the fact that you refused to speak, refused to look anywhere but the stars, he sat there with you until dawn. He had held you so close, his embrace warm and head resting on yours like you had known him your entire life.**

**It had turned into a routine after that night. Eleven o’clock would roll around and if you weren’t spending the night at the chateau, you were spending it lying beside Rafe Cameron in the sand. There were times where you’d talk about anything from sunsets to how horrible Ward could be. Rafe had opened up to you easily, his voice vulnerable when he mentioned his father. You listened intently, offering him comfort by just being there.**

**And other times, you’d just lay close together, both of you watching the stars like they were showing an epic cosmic movie. Rafe’s fingers would curl into the ends of your hair, tugging lightly as they brushed through the strands softly. Your fingers would sometimes dance over his, your touch feather light and cheeks red.**

**He had broken down all your walls, making you realize that you definitely didn’t know the real him before this. You had scolded him for the times he had hurt your friends or said horrible things. And surprisingly, he had been remorseful, always apologizing and promising you he’d control his temper.**

**You were in a completely different world with Rafe. You would bury everything when you were with your friends, maintaining your role as the one in the group who had their shit together always. But with Rafe, you didn’t have to hide your broken pieces.**

**When you were with Rafe, nothing else seemed to matter. Not your mom or dad, who would argue for hours on end about you. Not your friends, who didn’t even know things were going so badly at home. And not even _JJ,_ the one person you trusted more than anyone. **

**Guilt rises in your throat like bile, making you wince. JJ would kill you if he knew what you had been doing. While he couldn’t control who you saw, he could definitely raise hell about it.**

**_“The kook who makes our life a living hell? Really Y/N?”_ **

**“Earth to Y/N,” Rafe’s voice snaps you from your spiraling thoughts. He flicks your nose, causing you to scrunch it back at him and whine a little.**

**“ _Rude,_ ” you emphasize, earning a cheeky grin from the boy. “My dad and I made a bet when I was seven that we could outdo each other with random facts we learned. We’re still going, and now I’m just a book of useless, random facts.”**

**“Perfect for trivia night,” he points out, looking over you in amusement. “It’s kind of cool, actually.”**

**You laugh a little at that. Your abundance of useless knowledge had never really come in handy. The only person who ever appreciated your random facts besides your dad, was Pope.**

**And well, now Rafe.**

**Rafe rolls over on his side, his face inches from yours. His eyes are curious as he looks down at you. “Are you ever going to tell me why you come out here every night? I mean, I _know_ I’m incredibly good looking and irresistible-” you smack his chest, causing him to chuckle. “- _but_ I doubt spending every night with me is ideal,” he says, voice trailing off into a soft whisper. **

**You close your eyes and sigh. You knew this was bound to come up. Spending almost every night getting know Rafe meant that you had to let him in eventually. If you wanted him to stick around, you had to be as honest with him as he had been with you. If he could tell you about Ward, why couldn’t you tell him about your mom?**

**_You’re terrified of him agreeing with her,_ ** **you think. Rafe was a _kook._ Of course, he’d think your mom was right. Rafe hated the pogues. **

**“Like tonight, you could’ve stayed at that party. But you came _here,_ ” he continues, unaware of your internal conflict. He shifts closer to you, his body heat radiating into the small space between the two of you. **

**“You can trust me,” Rafe whispers once more, his hand landing next to yours in the sand. “I… I wouldn’t come here every night if I didn’t… if there wasn’t something _here._ ”**

**You pause for a moment. _If there wasn’t something here?_**

**You lock eyes with Rafe. There’s something you can’t decipher there, making your stomach twist uneasily. You take a deep breath.**

**“My mom,” you say finally, voice barely above a whisper. You shake your head slowly, trying to focus on your words. “She uh, hates my friends. I’m a failure to her. I’m not what she wanted, and it gets worse every single day. I’m… worthless to her. She _hates_ me.”**

**You swallow thickly, the choking feeling in your throat a sign you’re going to cry. Your eyes look at Rafe quickly before dipping down to the sand. Would he think the same as your mom? That you’re worthless because you run around with the pogues instead of chugging champagne with Rafe and Topper on their expensive boats?**

**You look over at Rafe once more, trying to control your nerves as you prepare for his words. But your resolve drops when you see the softness in his eyes. Rafe is just _looking_ at you, eyes brimming with emotion. He’s looking at you like… **

**_Like he’s in love._ **

**The thought creeps up on you sharply and explodes inside of your mind like a rogue firework. In love? With you? There was no possible way that could be a thing.**

**Yet when you look back over at him, his eyes are still just as soft as before. There’s a small, beautiful smile forming on his lips. There’s a gentle patience surrounding Rafe as he watches you. And when his hand reaches out to cup your cheek, you find yourself leaning into his touch. His hand is warm and comforting, holding onto you in such a careful manner that makes you feel small, fragile.**

**His touch is hypnotizing as it pulls you down a rabbit hole of emotions. Desire tugs at the bottom of your stomach, your skin begging his fingers to dance across every inch of it. Fear chips away at the back of your mind like a woodpecker, the disappointed faces of your friends swirling around like a tornado. The fear is drowned out by the sound of your heart, though, as it practically explodes inside of your chest.**

**“Rafe,” you whisper, your voice soft, almost pleading.**

**He leans in slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. When his nose brushes yours, your eyes flutter shut. He’s intoxicating to be around, his closeness making your mind spin. You’re feeling everything all at once, every emotion, every pull, every tug.**

**Rafe’s lips press to yours softly. It’s a ghost of a kiss, a brush of his lips against yours, yet it’s enough to have you come completely _undone._ You lean into Rafe entirely, his left hand moving from your face to the nape of your neck. His right hand finds your waist, pulling you impossibly closer to his chest. The kiss is innocent and sweet, gentle and dizzying. The kiss is everything and more as he pulls away. **

**He looks down at you again, a warm look dancing across his features. His hands move to cup your face. “Whenever I look at you, I think of every possible thing I could say to describe you, none of it ever seeming like _enough,_ ” he whispers. “I promise you worthless isn’t one of them.”**

**A small, strangled laugh rips from your throat. Tears well in your eyes as relief floods your body. You had been so terrified that Rafe wouldn’t get it, that he’d sneer in your face and you’d have wasted weeks on him. That you’d go home with your tail between your legs and guilt heavy in your chest. But here he was, holding onto you like you would disappear if he didn’t keep you impossibly close.**

**And when he leans in again, the fear of what your friends would think, the lingering thoughts of JJ, melt along with any reservations you had about Rafe.**


End file.
